For a few years now, I have struggled internally with wondering when my next chapter will occur — I often relate myself to Rapunzel and her song “ When will my Life Begin” — (For real though -read the lyrics). At 27, I’m lucky to have experienced all the things I have, have a job that I don’t hate, but like every single person on this earth, at the end of the day there are still things that I think I’m missing and still wonder about the things beyond my control.
After a stressful day at work today, a refreshing thunderstorm that went boom boom on the windows and rattled the glass with wind and rain, the summer breeze set upon our quaint neighborhood. The family decided to take a walk, and all 4 of us decided to go out, with our sock masks in hand.
I’ve been wanting to take a photo of this lone tree on the farm behind our yard -I think its a large oak tree, with the sun behind it but I haven’t gotten a good photo of it yet. When driving by, its so easy to miss this tree because we’re in a rush, but when walking slowly with my dad, its really hard to miss because its only one of the few giant structures on the farm. Seeing this tree, shook me back through memory lane — I live in what I like to call a urban but not urban neighboorhood — best of 3 worlds. To the front of the house, is urbanized, all built up. But to the right of the house, theres a huge farmland and when I was younger, cows used to be grazing on the land. As the owner passed away, naturally the livestock faded, and theres talks of the entire farmland being built into a major science city — but it hasn’t happened yet. Behind the house, there’s the swamp/wetland area which is why yes my close friends constantly get pictures/ stories about bugs or frogs that pop up in my life.
I stopped to take a few photos unsuccessfully of this tree since its grey out, but notice to the left of the tree, theres a fuzzy brown thing moving. All of the sudden I notice 3 white tail deers — ( Bambi type deer) grazing on the tall grass of the farmlands. And then the fireflies that I used to catch are blinking aside the deer. — (Lots of Tangled themes today — but current melody playing: “I See the Light”) Its picture perfect — My heart felt really happy just to see that. Reminded me of my 4th grade poem that won me award for best poem written because it was genuine from my heart about the same tree, the same fire flies that are so familiar to me, the same farm. I still have it framed in my photo album.
I flashed back to one of my earliest memories of when a simple ball would make me happy entertain me for hours end and then I flashed back to reality seeing my dad walking and healthy in front of me smiling and enjoying the same tree that always stood tall and proud for me -and couldn’t help but smile and feel internal joy seeing him smile.
And then I look right in front of me and my heart felt all the more happy — my dad is right next to me walking — and thats when it hit me.
Theres nothing wrong with being ambitious, and wanting to accomplish things and feeling a bit out of control of things when you’re at a point where you feel like you’ve done your all but its not good enough for a world full of criticism. Theres a point in life where I feel like all the goals I used to work towards are meaningless. But my life isn’t stuck, and it isn’t on hold because of some stupid virus nor is it on hold because of non-cooperating circumstances around me in my personal life — My life has already begun and I’m not waiting for the melody of “when will my life begin” — It begun 27 years ago the day I was born on that cold bitter blizzard. Get this — the world is still spinning, and I’m still breathing. Every day my body is still creating 2 million new blood cells, and those 30 trillion red blood cells in my body is still making a lap circulation across my body — they haven’t been cancelled or put on hold just because extenuating circumstances aren’t changing and looking dull. Why am I in such a rush for change, when I can’t even appreciate what is right in front of me?
I often find myself labeling myself as a hopeless romantic. But maybe I’m not that hopeless because I think one walk just reminded me to be patient, and remember to be in love with life because life won’t wait for you.